Talk:You Are Not Alone/@comment-24712996-20140507150645
Since I addressed slut-shaming it was only right that I address virgin-shaming as well: I heard this conversation between two guys in which one of them was saying that after doing the deed with the girl she left in tears because he kicked her out. ‘I didn't even look her in the eye, you know,’ he had reflected to his friend while running his hand through his Justin Bieber style hair. ‘I had a great time but I didn't want to get attached.’ *cough* prick *cough* This wasn’t the first time that I've heard guys talk in that manner. I've heard them say that ‘I’m not going to text her back, I'll make her beg for it' or shout from the rooftops that they don't want to be tied down. That's great for you mate, well fucking done. It’s annoying and worrying, though, how they think they can use relationships as a way to get us into bed. There is this assumption that all us girls want is a relationship. I should point out that not every girl wants a relationship; some are just looking for a bit of non-complicated fun. Not every girl expects a relationship filled with red roses, chocolates and cheesy declarations of love that would be better suited to a Hall Mark card: 'Roses are red, violets are blue, you weren't that good in bed that I wanted to keep you'. It's like they've been reading all that garbage on the front covers of magazines that make out all a woman wants is a guy. It irks me when I see headlines like '10 Ways to Make Him Want You' or 'Get Slim, Get Him' because obviously women need to change who they are in order to appeal to the male gaze as it would almost be impossible for him to like you for you. And who can forget all the advertisers who pay big bucks to tell you how to change yourself after reading an article that's insulted your beauty, weight and quite frankly intelligence. However, the fact that some guys use the pretence of a relationship as a form of manipulation (a bit harsh but oh well) to get girls to sleep with them is truly shocking. With any partner you should be upfront with what you want from a relationship, be it sexual or otherwise, because assumptions can never really end well. For example, watching the latest episode of 'Made In Chelsea' the show with all the rich good looking people who just happen to 'bump' into each other and have many awkward silences, Lucy thought her casual relationship with Spenny meant some kind of commitment. The bad man...er, I mean Spencer though told her that he was single and hooking up with other girls. Cue Lucy giving him the evil eye and alerting him to the fact that he's all up in her grill. I was unfortunate enough to come across Kirk Norcross' autobiography, in which he states that after losing his virginity at the age of 15 behind the green bins (classy!) he broke up with the girl like five minutes later. He just used her to lose his virginity. Nice. It's depressing to think that this type of behaviour is encouraged in not only the media but also society as a whole. We are aware of the slut shaming that goes on yet hardly anyone comments upon the virgin shaming. If you haven't done the deed then there is a certain level of disbelief and mockery that goes on as you get older among your peers, especially among young men. We live in a generation where everything is sexualised and this causes people to be morbidly interested in other people's sex lives and feel that they have the right to comment up on. We've gone from a world where we once looked down and judged people who indulged in pre-martial activities to mocking those who don't. Too be quite frank I don't give a damn what you do in the privacy of your own bedroom as long as it doesn’t involve or affect me. Some people, though, are plagued with insecurity and affected by the sight all of their peers boasting of the things that they're missing out on and feel like outcasts. If you’re just not ready that doesn’t make you weird. Let us just stop picking on people for their choices. Pay more attention to your own sex-life, leave others be.